ABOUT QUOT

Quot could be always finding that that your corkscrew has the cork from the last bottle it opened still in it ,  or always  jamming your drawers tight shut with that last thing  you crammed into them, or always coming across that one dirty sock dropped on the stairs just after you’ve started the washing machine.

It could be one of those odds-on racing certainties which you find repeatedly happens  – the waiter in the restaurant always appearing with the food just on the punchline of your best story, the first person you ask for directions in a strange town always being  a stranger to it too, or the train ticket-inspector always arriving just as you’ve fallen asleep.

It could be something you’re always doing like snagging your feet on the cables and leads to your electronic equipment, trying to get the shopping out of the car into the house all in one go, calling your lost mobile on your landline to find out where you left it, or – when doing a decorating job  round the house  -  dipping your brush in your mug of tea .

Quot is what you hear yourself saying ‘I’m always doing that ‘ or ‘This is always happening to me ‘ about . It’s anything you use the word ‘always’ about , and if you find yourself saying ‘everybody’, ‘all’, ‘ one’, or their negatives –  ‘never’ ‘none ‘ or  ‘ nobody ever… ‘ –  particularly in the context of some wild generalisation , you’re probably talking quot.

It could be something everybody has ,  like that drawer full of instruction manuals for machines which you got rid of years ago,  a key ring with far more keys on it than you have doors for, or those old cocktail-sticks and raffle tickets you’re always finding in the top pocket of your best suit.

It could be simply something you’re always seeing about the  place – the ‘Happy Birthday Sharon’ banner on the motorway bridge, or the sodden child’s glove sitting on a front-garden wall, a poster for a forthcoming event which happened three months ago, the furry rabbit or teddy bear which municipal vehicles seem invariably to have lashed the front radiator.

Or it could be somebody or their predictable behaviour – the person talking to you in the kitchen who will always be standing across the drawer you want to get into or in front of the microwave door or those people who , when you have a wound or injury , can predictably be relied on to knock and prod you just there where it hurts.

Whoever , whatever, and wherever one is there are things which crop up time and time again – situations, sights, sounds, behaviour patterns, remarks – even thoughts and feelings – which seem integral to  particular sets of circumstances. Pretty well every area of life has its quot element  which is not what it says on the tin and which you won’t find in any brochure yet just seems to go naturally with the territory – be it home, family , work, leisure, shopping , sport, health, driving , computing, dieting, Christmas, or hotel sofas – you name it. In fact, put it here.

This Quotmail website tickles the underbelly of ordinary life to tease out those bits of it which are overlooked in the Authorised Version. It is tasked with collecting your common experiences of life-clichés , sifting through them, commenting and attempting to establish just how prevalent they are. What may not be happening in your life at this particular moment is probably happening to somebody somewhere. You can post a quot or comment which will appear on the site but only with your approval. If it’s a quot the site will test-run it and tell you whether it’s ‘just you ‘or is shared by everybody or anybody else .  The extent to which it is recognised as common to general experience is the subject of the Quotpoll , which awards the following coded Quotrating  to each  posting according to its findings.

(QQQQQ) = Everybody       QQQQ*) = Most People    (QQQ**) = Some        People (QQ***) =  A Few People       (Q****)= Hardly Anybody (***** )= Just You

A SELECTION OF QUOTS CURRENTLY UNDER INVESTIGATION

       Anyone who gets too old to manage the garden always getting somebody even older to do it for them

Always wanting to answer your phone when one rings in the film you are watching

       Always squirting the UHT milk all over the place when you peel off the silver foil seal

       There never being any sign of any item you’ve just distinctly heard drop on the floor when you look down

       At road works always sneaking in on the end of the tail of single-line traffic long after the light has turned red

          Nobody ever reinstating seat positions, mirror settings, radio stations when getting out of a car somebody else also drives

     Car passengers pressing one foot down hard on floor when they think the driver should be slowing down a bit

          Always attempting to get all the shopping out of the car and into the house in one go

     Spare buttons always being sewn into new shirts in he most pain-sensitive places

         Always feeling intimidated by the geeky staff in computer shops because you don’t really know what you want or the even any words to describe it

Nowhere ever turning out to be anything like how it looks on the map

      Always getting the old battery you’re  taking out mixed up with the identical one you’re supposed to be putting in

 Always finding a bed of shredded paper in chocolate boxes when you’re expecting another layer of chocolates

      When undressing always  trying to get as many clothes off in one batch  as possible

 All words which have to be written in icing-sugar on cakes ( ‘Birthday’  ‘Christmas’ or ‘Anniversary’ ) being long ones

        Prisons, sink estates and inner-city slum areas always having the prettiest names

           All medicinal products  always coming with a little booklet saying why it’ll be your fault if it kills you

   Dry cleaners always telling you your particular stains will never come out

       Never having any local money on you for the first tip in any foreign country

         Teenage daughters always leaving their diaries in places where their mothers can’t help but find and read them

       Always clicking on the ‘I Agree’ panel on website ‘Terms and Conditions ‘ boxes without reading them

        Always feeling a moment of distrust on approaching an automatic door that it’s not going to open in time

         Pressing the ‘Next Page’ keypad on an e-reader or Kindle before finishing the page you’re on

Every local butcher always having an award-winning sausage

  Always  missing a trouser-loop when putting your belt back on after going through airport security

        Every local butcher having an award-winning sausage

Any list you make always having one item on it twice

One’s own name suddenly turning funny on you

Girls always seeming surprised to see each other even though the meet-up was arranged

Always trying to open up the wrong end of a bin-liner

Dropping your toll money on the car floor just as you approach the auto-tollgate

Still using Christmas stamps in July

Watching television and always thinking ” Oh no , are they really going to make me sit through this boring commercial AGAIN? ‘

Never being able to get dental floss off your fingers when trying to dispose of it

Encased strip lights and bowl-lights always being full of dead moths and flies

Credit cards etc always sticking into their plastic holders on hot sticky days